But there was one moment that I found myself in, that reconfirmed everything that I am working my hardest for. An older man came in early to have some tests done in the lab, but of course, he was 30 minutes early and was followed by another older gentleman that was about the same age and there for the exact same reason. I registered them, gave them their paperwork and set them to the other part of the hospital outside until the lab was open. Little did I know that processes had changed and I had them come back and wait with me as the nurse was trying to locate their paperwork.
So, for a brief 15-20 minutes, I listened as they talked.
We'll call the first patient Mr. Jones and the second, Mr. Wright in order to keep us within the limits of the law.
It's amazing what elder people have to say in such short periods of time. It's like they select the best little chunks in their lives to share with you that let you see all their years past in their still somewhat gleaming eyes that have been taken over by wrinkles in time.
I would never be able to repeat those grand stories in the way that they did, but man, it was every bit of amazing. Settling into Solvang before the hospital even existed, transportation in which they came, how they met their wives, how they lost their wives, heartbreak and happiness. I found myself laughing and truly enjoying every part of their old wit and advise.
Mr. Jones had mentioned once Mr. Wright had gone in the back first, that Mr. Wright had lost his wife a few years back and that he was all alone. He found this out while they were outside waiting. Mr. Jones noticed how serious Mr. Wright was and attempted to break the ice by just talking up a storm. Mr. Jones said to me "Look at him now. At first he was serious, and wouldn't speak a word to me. Now he's laughing and joking, telling stories how his dog (His miniature 30 pound dog-We laughed about that too) almost yanked him right out from under his feet. All he needed was to have an actual conversation with someone."
Being that I'm not one of the most emotional of people, I still found my heart breaking for Mr. Wright. How lonely must that be? All alone, missing your wife to the point to where you have to relieve your feelings to a total stranger, and the highlight of your month is getting out of the house to have some blood work done on a Saturday morning at the local hospital. Mr. Wright could barley walk, barely talk, and he hinted to the fact that he had no family near by. I can't even imagine what it would be like for him to have to get groceries or even understand how to sign up for something like "meals on wheels".
It was between the conversation with those two men that I had realized how much my heart bleeds for people in need. I've told myself a million times, I could not work with children or the elderly once I get my nursing degree because it would break my heart too much to have to see pain on those faces. And yet, I find myself wanting to become a home health nurse for people exactly like Mr. Wright. Someone that doesn't just need medications monitored and sheets or bandages changed, but someone that needs an ear to listen and someone to care. Someone to help. It's clear that there are some that are beyond rescuing, and beyond wanting help. It's also ridiculous of me to think that one person could go out and help everyone humanly possibly without slowly killing themselves, but I know this much is true..
In sharing, with whoever is reading this, it's a great comfort to realize that all these nights I spend not sleeping, stressing over a ridiculous job just to pay my bills, going to school, and stretching myself to take every chance possible to have somewhat of a "normal" social life, I know that at least I'm headed in the right direction. All of this crazyness will pay off. It's amazing people that pop in and out of my life that re-affirm that I'm slowly headed for what I ultimately love.
I know I'm headed in the right direction.
Maybe I'm just enticed by my dreams and goals, but I hope and pray that I don't become a desensitized nurse where I just don't care anymore. I hope and pray that I can help people heal and make a difference in someones life. And, I wouldn't mind if I could assist in some surgeries and such.. hahaha! Seemingly not only do I have that call to help people, but I cant help myself but want to assist in crazy surgeries and know how to put people back together. That is every bit of amazing to me as well!
Looking back, I realized that I should have gotten that elderly mans number and offered to help him in any way, but I hesitated too long to ask.
Now that I've had this feeling take hold of me, maybe it's a good time to start looking into volunteering somewhere. I can't imagine having time to do that, but even an hour a week could help.
Until then, I'm tired, and I'm going to stop blabbing like a crazy person so I can get some sleep. But I'll leave you with this~
No matter how far away your dreams and goals may be, Never give up on them. Never give up on yourself. Even if you have to stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself to get the hell up after being knocked down (I've had to do this a few times), keep on working towards all that you desire. Love, let love, and most importantly, love yourself.
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